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Always Believe

July 5, 2013

Hello. 🙂

The last time you heard from me I was no longer going to be posting here. And today, here is where I am excitedly finding myself.

Perhaps right now it is easiest to say I’ve been on, and am sort of still in the midst of, a most amazing side journey.

I’ve talked about ‘breakthroughs’ many,many times in this space, but I think they could perhaps be more aptly described as epiphanies, revelations, or insights. You see, they made me more aware of me and why I made the choices I did or reacted the way I did to life, but they never truly changed me as I thought or expected they would. Having a true breakthrough, I believe now, means you find yourself birthed on the other side of a glorious labor; transformed and making new, more beautiful choices, and being empowered and responsible for your life. The beginning of wholeness and being in love with who you are.

I can truly, and honestly, say I have now done that in a magnanimous way.

I guess somewhere in me I have always believed that something wonderful and amazing was about to happen. I’ve never given up on me even when it has felt like I wanted to end it all myself. This exact quote showed up on my Facebook page one day many months ago and I made a poster out of it and hung it on my wall.

And today, a portion, a great portion of this growth, transformation, and breakthrough has culminated in a most beautiful thing. 🙂 Stay tuned to the end of the post to see….:)

This last November I had had enough. My world was a manganimous (Yes, I rather like that word today. :)) mess. There was so much anger, rageful, dangerous anger, in our home it was unbearable. So, in pure Jessica form, I sought help; help for myself, for my one son in particular, and our family, for my marriage. But most especially me because it is true, you must be the change you wish to see in the world.

In a fit of desperate surrender, I roared out loud from the depth of my soul for help from my Guides (one of whom I know is my Beautiful Grandma Leila) and in true ‘Jessica’s Guides’ form, help began to flow into my life.

I began to reach out to the Organic Sisterhood Forum ,of which I am a member, and a new world opened up for me to help my son in particular. This led to so many other precious, beautiful, and amazing helpers in friends, therapists, and coaches who are all still flowing into my/our life.

I began to try to work on my business, another place I was struggling in a big way, and one day received an invitation to a teleseminar about anger and how it can keep your business stuck and stagnant and you from living your best life with a Beautiful and Precious woman named Teresa Lea.

This teleseminar led to my saying a huge enthusiastic ‘YES’ to working directly with Teresa Lea. It was one of, if not, the best decision (next to becoming a Mama) I’ve ever made in my life.

While all of this was occuring there was a small whispering that began to happen suggesting I cut my hair short; very short, and I did, on December 14, 2012, and again on December 15, 2012 as it wasn’t short enough the first time :). I even was able to donate my hair and did so gladly as an apology for a belief I held, shared, and was ‘called’ on earlier in the year.

Often this sort of thing (a whisper to cut our hair) will occur when we are ready to take a new big step in our lives. For me it was about not hiding anymore; about being truly beautiful and allowing myself and others to see that, but really mostly myself. It was about saying yes to my life, yes to loving myself, yes that I am going to step up and out and take back my power and take responsibility for my life.

Miracles began to happen daily. Amazing synchronicities and at this point my mind is blown at least once a week and I LOVE IT!! 🙂

I am now a ‘do’er. If I don’t take action I begin to feel depressed and blocked. I’ve taken charge of my finances in a big way and my role as a mama too. All precious gifts and miracles.

A few weeks ago during a session with Teresa, the breakthrough happened. It felt as if a veil was lifted and I had revelation after revelation about my life and myself; one right after the other in such great succession all I could do was allow my soul to feel them to catch them fast enough. It was magnificent, beautiful, and completely life affirming. And this is when I fell in love with myself. This is not meant to sound arrogant at all, because it truly was not…I stared at myself lovingly in a mirror for about 10 minutes after my session was over. I jumped up and down for joy and in celebration. I had a very joyful, fun celebration with me, myself, and I for about 30 minutes after this session. It was breathtaking and mind blowing. I was inspired by myself.

The gift Teresa Lea has been to my life is positively phenomenal and priceless. I am deeply grateful; deeply.

Since then, and it has been about a month, I have felt a need to cut my hair again. I’ve had several trims since December. None of them felt ‘right’. I realized all of a sudden this morning after a personal healing session, I’ve been getting my hair cut the way the stylists thought was cute and right for me. I’ve still been running my life according to what I think others expect of me and will accept.

I wasn’t created to be that person.

I was created to be Me. I was created to actually purposely go against the grain. To be a teacher and healer and a mama in a new way. I was created to be Me….

So, all of a sudden this morning, my children were called upon by the neighbor children to play and they were all gone. My husband was home to watch Baby Will and I found myself at the dining room table with breakfast and my husband’s question…”What are you gonna do today?”

“I guess I’m gonna cut my hair”. He wanted to know why. “Because I’m still hiding in there and it’s time to step out.”

I finished eating, gathered the tools, asked some directions, headed out to the porch, and cut my hair off…

DSCN3418

Today, since cutting my hair…I’ve started working on this post, gone outside in my swimming suit without the shorts that cover up my mama scars, stretch marks, etc., sat in our new little family pool to play with my kiddos, splashed around and got my whole body wet (even inside my ears!), laid on the deck in the sun, and giggled with my ‘Sweets’. All things I’ve apparently been wanting to do for a very long time. 🙂

DSCN3422

Look out world cause this One, Believes!!!! 🙂

oxo,

Jessica

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Shame, a Revelation, and an Announcement

November 3, 2012

I’ve been really antsy, frustrated, lost, stuck, and feeling caged lately. This morning I woke with the realization I had to accept I have postpartum depression again. So, I climbed out of bed (as I was rather snuggly snuggled between my two littlest ones :) ) and headed out to the living room to tell my husband. Instead, I asked him if I could hop in the shower quick before he left for work.

Feeling depressed and searching my somewhat desperate crazed brain for answers as to how best to deal with this latest episode of PPD, I climbed into the shower. As the water rained down over me, I was thinking about who (in my personally created community) I could ask for help…when all of a sudden I thought of an oracle card I pulled last night. It was Moose and it was in answer to what I could expect for this next year…

Moose is about self-esteem. About feeling pride in yourself, who you are, and your accomplishments; about feeling joyful pride and wanting to share that with the world, not about seeking approval. My brain flashed to this next revelation…

I have felt the most incredible shame for so many things for so long…

Over the next hour I would continue to sort through this idea of shame and what it is exactly I feel shame about…

I feel ashamed…

of having four children because, somewhere in me, this makes it appear as though I’ve been sexually irresponsible.

of having a van that needs some part of its muffler system replaced because it’s noisy and I have four children and not enough money to get that fixed at the moment.

….which leads to…

that my husband and I have a large amount of credit card debt we are paying off right now, which is the reason we don’t entirely have the money to pay to have the van fixed at the moment.

that I’ve ever had sex (yep, I’ve gotta deal with this).

of my body and what it looks like since I’ve carried four large-for-my-smallish frame babies inside of me (truthfully, I’ve always been ashamed of my body, babies are just the current excuse).

of the choice I’ve made in a life partner as he isn’t always, well, movie star material.

of our home and where we live as its in the lowest income county in our state and well there has also been some controversial legal/moral issues come out of this community.

of my husband’s weight and that I haven’t been able to do anything with all of my education about natural/whole being health to change that.

that I’m not Super Mom.

that I can’t just have a family that is happy and kind and generous to each other all the time.

that I think my children are the most wonderful children in the world.

that I am excited for my children and all of their accomplishments.

that sometimes (yes, right now in fact) my children watch movies so I can get some work done or have naptime or quiet time to myself.

of my clothes, my appearance.

of the way my husband and/or children dress sometimes.

that some of our clothes shopping is done at Goodwill.

that our home is not always neat and tidy.

that we sometimes eat out when we could spend money on fixing our car or something else.

that our yard isn’t pristine and beautiful.

of the caulking in our bathroom.

of the paint splotches on our walls that need to be fixed.

that my best isn’t good enough.

that I don’t always know the answer.

that I had to tell the gravel guy “no” today because we’re spending our money on other things right now when really our driveway is a mess and could truly use it.

that I have questions.

that I’m not always sure what to say or do.

that I’m awkward in social settings.

that I’m not terribly great at follow through.

that I don’t have the money to take care of myself or my family the way I’d like.

of things I’ve said or done that have hurt people.

of myself and the things I love.

that I’m quirky about certain things just like anyone else.

that I yell at my children sometimes when I’m spent and empty or embarrassed and hurting.

that I love tarot/oracle cards and use them to better live, grow, and understand my life.

that I have created a business I love, to support my family, to help pay off the debt I helped create, and to eventually replace my husband’s income and job so we can travel full time.

that this business takes time away from my family and uses magic such as toe reading and tarot cards and intuition to help women heal from their caged pasts.

of the things I love the most about me.

of all of these things because they aren’t ‘conventional’, they aren’t ‘Christian’ and I am afraid I will not be loved or accepted by others because of this (my beliefs and practice are more broadly encompassing, spiritual, and sacred now. This is all a matter of opinion of course, and I’ve found what works for me and what makes my heart soar. I believe we all need to do this. :) I’d be happy to discuss this with any who are interested or curious. :) ).

because they don’t fit into the belief system of my parents and probably a lot of my friends and family from growing up…

Basically, I feel ashamed for taking up space in this world.

BUT…

This is all CRAP because Guess What!!!????

I LOVE the Tarot! I LOVE communicating with my Guides this way and that it has saved me. I LOVE that my heart is LONGING to share this magic with other women who’ve lost sight of their treasure, of themselves. I LOVE that I’ve learned to use physical symptoms as clues to discovering and uncovering the things that are hiding this treasure. I LOVE that I work almost tirelessly to continuously uncover and discover more about my own treasure.

I LOVE MYSELF and the TREASURE I AM and TODAY I AM PROCLAIMING…

“I AM PROUD of these AWESOME and AMAZING things about me!!!!!!!”

Shame is an awful disgusting thing. For EVERY ONE of the things I am ashamed of I can list a reason or reasons its ridiculous, okay, not my fault or responsibility, where my heart was or is(for instance, my heart sees wonderful things in my husband and I have been SO blessed with four Beautiful, Precious, Amazing children), or find forgiveness for an indiscretion.

We all mess up, we make mistakes, or we hold things within us that are just plain silly and fear-based. We are all here learning and that is all mistakes are…a way to learn. Finding gentleness and compassion, and especially forgiveness for ourselves and others is an incredible gift. It’s also a difficult one for our ego to be at peace with.

Right now, my ego is doing a lot of learning and breaking apart in the process. A lot of forgiveness and releasing of old yucky worn out feelings and junk is in order. Perhaps also delving in to see where all these ideas came from and where they are hiding out in my body. Time to clean house! :)

As some of you may or may not know, I have a business. This is the first time I’ve been able to write this or say it out loud with out feeling ashamed! *Happy Dance!* *Deep Breath and Peaceful Contented Smile*

My business is currently called Tranquil Waters Wellness, but I have plans to change that somewhere down the road. It has been growing slowly over the last 3 years, very slowly. I’ve been very distressed and ashamed of this fact.

This morning’s revelation about shame has opened my eyes and heart to see that my shame is keeping me stuck, feeling caged, unmagical, unmagnificent, poor, broke, in debt, and depressed.

Last night I asked my Guides to open my eyes and heart to what I wasn’t seeing and to give me what I need to change. This morning I awoke and saw. :)

Thank you.

I am announcing that this blog will now be used for something different as I will be unashamedly and unapologetically imperfectly blogging primarily from my Tranquil Waters Wellness site now.

I have a Beautiful family of four Spectacular and Dazzling children and a Handsome and Shiningly supportive husband. We love spending time together and well…we homeschool too and life just is what it is sometimes, so I will not always have time for business if my family needs me, or if we’re having an ‘off’ day, or enjoying life together. It may take a bit longer for my business to reach the heights I see for it in my dreams, and that’s okay because who wouldn’t choose to do some snoggin’ and cuddlin’ with an incredibly adorable baby boy if they had the opportunity?? :)

I realize this may mean goodbye for some of you and that is okay. Life is for following your heart and what makes you smile. :) For those of you who’d like to continue following, please join me over at Tranquil Waters Wellness where I’ll be continuing to share my heart and soul and also about health and wellness. I offer toe readings, coaching, consultations, and I’m currently working on an e-book about real health and natural cold and flu remedies I will have available asap. :) You can sign up for my newsletter and receive my FREE Creating a Surrender Box Workshop, great for peace of mind and heart and an awesome activity for these cold days ahead as a special gift to yourself. It would be lovely to snuggle in with friends or just yourself, a mug of hot soothing tea, hot cocoa, or a glass of wine and a fire and create this peace inducing and healing box. :) I have many “Playshops” and other learning tools and opportunities swimming around in my super duper creative mind all aching to get out into the world. I promise to do my best to make this business what you need it to be while also making it joyful and fulfilling for myself and my family.

I am OVERJOYED to welcome you to my online business space.

See you there!!!

Peace,

Jessica

Shame, a Revelation, and an Announcement

November 2, 2012

I’ve been really antsy, frustrated, lost, stuck, and feeling caged lately. This morning I woke with the realization I had to accept I have postpartum depression again. So, I climbed out of bed (as I was rather snuggly snuggled between my two littlest ones :)) and headed out to the living room to tell my husband. Instead, I asked him if I could hop in the shower quick before he left for work.

Feeling depressed and searching my somewhat desperate crazed brain for answers as to how best to deal with this latest episode of PPD, I climbed into the shower. As the water rained down over me, I was thinking about who (in my personally created community) I could ask for help…when all of a sudden I thought of an oracle card I pulled last night. It was Moose and it was in answer to what I could expect for this next year…

Moose is about self-esteem. About feeling pride in yourself, who you are, and your accomplishments; about feeling joyful pride and wanting to share that with the world, not about seeking approval. My brain flashed to this next revelation…

I have felt the most incredible shame for so many things for so long…

Over the next hour I would continue to sort through this idea of shame and what it is exactly I feel shame about…

I feel ashamed…

of having four children because, somewhere in me, this makes it appear as though I’ve been sexually irresponsible.

of having a van that needs some part of its muffler system replaced because it’s noisy and I have four children and not enough money to get that fixed at the moment.

….which leads to…

that my husband and I have a large amount of credit card debt we are paying off right now, which is the reason we don’t entirely have the money to pay to have the van fixed at the moment.

that I’ve ever had sex (yep, I’ve gotta deal with this).

of my body and what it looks like since I’ve carried four large-for-my-smallish frame babies inside of me (truthfully, I’ve always been ashamed of my body, babies are just the current excuse).

of the choice I’ve made in a life partner as he isn’t always, well, movie star material.

of our home and where we live as its in the lowest income county in our state and well there has also been some controversial legal/moral issues come out of this community.

of my husband’s weight and that I haven’t been able to do anything with all of my education about natural/whole being health to change that.

that I’m not Super Mom.

that I can’t just have a family that is happy and kind and generous to each other all the time.

that I think my children are the most wonderful children in the world.

that I am excited for my children and all of their accomplishments.

that sometimes (yes, right now in fact) my children watch movies so I can get some work done or have naptime or quiet time to myself.

of my clothes, my appearance.

of the way my husband and/or children dress sometimes.

that some of our clothes shopping is done at Goodwill.

that our home is not always neat and tidy.

that we sometimes eat out when we could spend money on fixing our car or something else.

that our yard isn’t pristine and beautiful.

of the caulking in our bathroom.

of the paint splotches on our walls that need to be fixed.

that my best isn’t good enough.

that I don’t always know the answer.

that I had to tell the gravel guy “no” today because we’re spending our money on other things right now when really our driveway is a mess and could truly use it.

that I have questions.

that I’m not always sure what to say or do.

that I’m awkward in social settings.

that I’m not terribly great at follow through.

that I don’t have the money to take care of myself or my family the way I’d like.

of things I’ve said or done that have hurt people.

of myself and the things I love.

that I’m quirky about certain things just like anyone else.

that I yell at my children sometimes when I’m spent and empty or embarrassed and hurting.

that I love tarot/oracle cards and use them to better live, grow, and understand my life.

that I have created a business I love, to support my family, to help pay off the debt I helped create, and to eventually replace my husband’s income and job so we can travel full time.

that this business takes time away from my family and uses magic such as toe reading and tarot cards and intuition to help women heal from their caged pasts.

of the things I love the most about me.

of all of these things because they aren’t ‘conventional’, they aren’t ‘Christian’ and I am afraid I will not be loved or accepted by others because of this (my beliefs and practice are more broadly encompassing, spiritual, and sacred now. This is all a matter of opinion of course, and I’ve found what works for me and what makes my heart soar. I believe we all need to do this. 🙂 I’d be happy to discuss this with any who are interested or curious. :)).

because they don’t fit into the belief system of my parents and probably a lot of my friends and family from growing up…

Basically, I feel ashamed for taking up space in this world.

BUT…

This is all CRAP because Guess What!!!????

I LOVE the Tarot! I LOVE communicating with my Guides this way and that it has saved me. I LOVE that my heart is LONGING to share this magic with other women who’ve lost sight of their treasure, of themselves. I LOVE that I’ve learned to use physical symptoms as clues to discovering and uncovering the things that are hiding this treasure. I LOVE that I work almost tirelessly to continuously uncover and discover more about my own treasure.

I LOVE MYSELF and the TREASURE I AM and TODAY I AM PROCLAIMING…

“I AM PROUD of these AWESOME and AMAZING things about me!!!!!!!”

Shame is an awful disgusting thing. For EVERY ONE of the things I am ashamed of I can list a reason or reasons its ridiculous, okay, not my fault or responsibility, where my heart was or is(for instance, my heart sees wonderful things in my husband and I have been SO blessed with four Beautiful, Precious, Amazing children), or find forgiveness for an indiscretion.

We all mess up, we make mistakes, or we hold things within us that are just plain silly and fear-based. We are all here learning and that is all mistakes are…a way to learn. Finding gentleness and compassion, and especially forgiveness for ourselves and others is an incredible gift. It’s also a difficult one for our ego to be at peace with.

Right now, my ego is doing a lot of learning and breaking apart in the process. A lot of forgiveness and releasing of old yucky worn out feelings and junk is in order. Perhaps also delving in to see where all these ideas came from and where they are hiding out in my body. Time to clean house! 🙂

As some of you may or may not know, I have a business. This is the first time I’ve been able to write this or say it out loud with out feeling ashamed! *Happy Dance!* *Deep Breath and Peaceful Contented Smile*

My business is currently called Tranquil Waters Wellness, but I have plans to change that somewhere down the road. It has been growing slowly over the last 3 years, very slowly. I’ve been very distressed and ashamed of this fact.

This morning’s revelation about shame has opened my eyes and heart to see that my shame is keeping me stuck, feeling caged, unmagical, unmagnificent, poor, broke, in debt, and depressed.

Last night I asked my Guides to open my eyes and heart to what I wasn’t seeing and to give me what I need to change. This morning I awoke and saw. 🙂

Thank you.

I am announcing that this blog will now be used for something different as I will be unashamedly and unapologetically imperfectly blogging primarily from my Tranquil Waters Wellness site now.

I have a Beautiful family of four Spectacular and Dazzling children and a Handsome and Shiningly supportive husband. We love spending time together and well…we homeschool too and life just is what it is sometimes, so I will not always have time for business if my family needs me, or if we’re having an ‘off’ day, or enjoying life together. It may take a bit longer for my business to reach the heights I see for it in my dreams, and that’s okay because who wouldn’t choose to do some snoggin’ and cuddlin’ with an incredibly adorable baby boy if they had the opportunity?? 🙂

I realize this may mean goodbye for some of you and that is okay. Life is for following your heart and what makes you smile. 🙂 For those of you who’d like to continue following, please join me over at Tranquil Waters Wellness where I’ll be continuing to share my heart and soul and also about health and wellness. I offer toe readings, coaching, consultations, and I’m currently working on an e-book about real health and natural cold and flu remedies I will have available asap. 🙂 You can sign up for my newsletter and receive my FREE Creating a Surrender Box Workshop, great for peace of mind and heart and an awesome activity for these cold days ahead as a special gift to yourself. It would be lovely to snuggle in with friends or just yourself, a mug of hot soothing tea, hot cocoa, or a glass of wine and a fire and create this peace inducing and healing box. 🙂 I have many “Playshops” and other learning tools and opportunities swimming around in my super duper creative mind all aching to get out into the world. I promise to do my best to make this business what you need it to be while also making it joyful and fulfilling for myself and my family.

I am OVERJOYED to welcome you to my online business space.

See you there!!!

Peace,

Jessica

Thank You Mother Earth

October 8, 2012

Lately I’ve been super overwhelmed.

I have so much to do and so much I want to do I feel paralyzed often and end up doing nothing, or what seems like nothing at least.

I guess I never do nothing.

The other day I remembered a sort of promise I made to myself about getting outside in nature when I feel this way and so, almost naked baby in my arms, I went out my back door, walked about 20 steps and just sat on the ground.

I set my hand on the grass and felt it.

And then after a few moments….I could feel Her too.

I could feel Her energy pulsing, radiating through my body.

I was overcome with emotion; like I was a teenager again with crazy hormones who were in a rush to get somewhere, but this was a calming sort of ‘overcome’.

It said, ‘Stay.   Sit.   Breathe.   Feel.’

And so I did.

I reveled in this feeling and the warmth of the earth.

We haven’t had enough freezing nights yet to have cooled the earth and so She was still warm beneath me.

I felt taken care of somehow; held and soothed.

Soon the rest of my children joined Us and they began running around and playing and We were all laughing together.

Thank you my Mother.

Thank you for gently calling me to remind me to come and sit with you.

Thank you for helping me to be at Peace with you.

Thank you for giving me the break I needed and for soothing me while I sat with you.

Thank you for allowing me the gift of feeling you, your heart beat, in my own body.

Thank you for calling my children out to play with us.

Thank you for sharing your Love, Joy, and Peace with us.

Thank you.

Leonie Dawson Makes Me Smile

September 25, 2012

Hello Everyone!!!

Today I want to share someone special with you. She has been a growing part of my life for 2 years now. I want to meet her in person, have a long soulful conversation, and give her a hug. 🙂

Her name is Leonie Dawson and she is an artist and beautiful soul who shares her amazing love-filled heart with the world through her blog and website and with her art and repertoire of e-courses, workshops, and kits to help women grow and heal. She is genuine and kind and just reading her blog will stir your soul. She has been so inspirational in my life and today I want to specifically share her Business Goddess E-Course with you.

I’m personally using the Business Goddess E-Course to build and grow my own business, Tranquil Waters Wellness.

This course is 190+ pages with inspiring and helpful bonuses such as interviews with other thriving entrepreneurs and a Money Making Kit.

The course includes over 100 marketing ideas and suggestions for how to create many online sources of income including e-books, e-courses, selling products, and much more.

Leonie explains how to automate aspects of your business and discusses the necessity of caring for the most important part of your business; you.

This e-course is chock full of goodness and is so easy to understand I highly recommend it.

It is available and starting up again on October 1 and you can sign up just by clicking here or on the beautifully illustrated image to the right. 🙂

Or if you’d prefer you can sign up to join the Goddess Circle and receive all of her products and become part of her awesome tribe to receive incredible support from thousands of other amazing women as well.

I will be featuring more of Leonie’s goodness here over the coming weeks as I feel so strongly about her message and products I have chosen to become an ambassador for her.

Any purchases of Leonie’s products or services you make, by clicking on a link from my site, help me and my family out now too. 🙂

Leonie is so Wonderful!

I appreciate that she offers this opportunity to anyone who is interested.

I appreciate you for choosing to help my family and I too!!! 🙂 Thank you!!!

I wish you success and joy on your own personal journey!!!

What Do You NEED Today?

August 29, 2012

Anxiety. Worry. Desperation.

Image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They fill my Being at times and I don’t even realize what is happening until I find myself ready to run away to a safe place and sob.

My children are sick.

With a simple cold and they are each fine. Slightly miserable, but fine.

Each time they are sick or upset however something in me screams and wants to run away sobbing.

I HATE to see others in pain.

Especially my children.

And so yesterday afternoon, as I sat with them ‘watching’ a movie, I could feel myself getting desperate inside.

Breathing was getting difficult and the facade of being positive I had put on was about to shatter.

I decided, by an amazing miracle, to sit with this desperation; to work through it; to see to the heart of it.

It was like trying to walk through thick brush on a really hot and humid day.

And then, was surprised when I heard myself asking, “What do you need, Jessica?”.

And there was more searching through the brush, but this time my searching had a purpose.

At the bottom, as it felt like I was trying to work my way to the bottom of a well filled with brush, I found a small child hoping desperately not to get sick too (I need to check in with this more carefully when I get the chance), and a mama wishing these miserable feeling children would recover NOW.

I needed a break.

Then, not really realizing I’d gotten myself anywhere, I headed to the kitchen to start supper and started sobbing…and another miracle happened.

My husband came home from running errands with a plan and ingredients for making supper.

He sent me outside to play with Anastasia on the swing and took over kitchen duty.

While I was outside pushing her; I let the tears come and released some of the tension and desperation.

This morning, after being up often in the night with our new Baby Will, I again heard myself ask, “What do you need, Jessica?”

I realized I had moved beyond ‘victim mode’ (REJOICE!!!!!!! This. Is. SO. HUGE! for me!!) and into ‘taking care of me’ mode.

Self-care is SO SO SO important; especially when you find yourself in the land of ‘Victim’ often.

And even more especially so when you are in a position of needing/wanting to take care of others.

And I wanted to share this with you today.

It is a small, but precious gift I want to share with you so you can give it to yourself as often as necessary throughout your day.

Simply ask yourself…”What do I need?”

And if you are able, fulfill this need.

If you are not able at the moment, make time later, but either way asking and acknowledging that there may be a need is HUGE.

It shows you care for and love yourself and it helps you to learn to trust yourself.

So. Right now in this moment STOP what you are doing and simply check in with yourself and ask ,

“What do you need?”

See what comes, and enjoy being taken care of by the most perfect person in the world to take care of you; You. :)

Wishing you Serenity today. :)

Jessica

What Do You NEED Today?

August 29, 2012

Anxiety. Worry. Desperation.

Image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They fill my Being at times and I don’t even realize what is happening until I find myself ready to run away to a safe place and sob.

My children are sick.

With a simple cold and they are each fine. Slightly miserable, but fine.

Each time they are sick or upset however something in me screams and wants to run away sobbing.

I HATE to see others in pain.

Especially my children.

And so yesterday afternoon, as I sat with them ‘watching’ a movie, I could feel myself getting desperate inside.

Breathing was getting difficult and the facade of being positive I had put on was about to shatter.

I decided, by an amazing miracle, to sit with this desperation; to work through it; to see to the heart of it.

It was like trying to walk through thick brush on a really hot and humid day.

And then, was surprised when I heard myself asking, “What do you need, Jessica?”.

And there was more searching through the brush, but this time my searching had a purpose.

At the bottom, as it felt like I was trying to work my way to the bottom of a well filled with brush, I found a small child hoping desperately not to get sick too (I need to check in with this more carefully when I get the chance), and a mama wishing these miserable feeling children would recover NOW.

I needed a break.

Then, not really realizing I’d gotten myself anywhere, I headed to the kitchen to start supper and started sobbing…and another miracle happened.

My husband came home from running errands with a plan and ingredients for making supper.

He sent me outside to play with Anastasia on the swing and took over kitchen duty.

While I was outside pushing her; I let the tears come and released some of the tension and desperation.

This morning, after being up often in the night with our new Baby Will, I again heard myself ask, “What do you need, Jessica?”

I realized I had moved beyond ‘victim mode’ (REJOICE!!!!!!! This. Is. SO. HUGE! for me!!) and into ‘taking care of me’ mode.

Self-care is SO SO SO important; especially when you find yourself in the land of ‘Victim’ often.

And even more especially so when you are in a position of needing/wanting to take care of others.

And I wanted to share this with you today.

It is a small, but precious gift I want to share with you so you can give it to yourself as often as necessary throughout your day.

Simply ask yourself…”What do I need?”

And if you are able, fulfill this need.

If you are not able at the moment, make time later, but either way asking and acknowledging that there may be a need is HUGE.

It shows you care for and love yourself and it helps you to learn to trust yourself.

So. Right now in this moment STOP what you are doing and simply check in with yourself and ask ,

“What do you need?”

See what comes, and enjoy being taken care of by the most perfect person in the world to take care of you; You. 🙂

Wishing you Serenity today. 🙂

Jessica

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